Last week I met an old friend for dinner. He was in town on business, so we planned on getting together. We ended up going to a nice restaurant near his hotel. As the two of us took turns eating while the other person talked, it occurred to me that meeting for dinner was a terribly inconvenient way for two old friends to catch up. Because of my religious beliefs, however, better alternatives are not available to me.
I am a Member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, a Mormon, and have been all my life. I haven’t been the most regular church goer for the past few years, but I have always lived the Word of Wisdom. Most people who know anything about the LDS church, know about the Word of Wisdom. They may not know it by this name, and they may not have all of the finer details but they do know that Mormons aren’t supposed to smoke, drink alcohol, coffee, or tea (these last two sometime being lumped into a specific prohibition against caffeine).
As Greg and I finished our meal, we continued talking, but as any restaurant patron knows, once you’ve finished eating, the restaurant wants you out of that table. They aren’t going to make any more money off of you if you stay longer. If there are people waiting, they are likely losing potential customers, so they stop re-filling your water, and leave you with the impression that it’s time to move along. So we exited the restaurant, and with no where else to hang out we parted ways.
So then this weekend my wife and I were participating in another friend’s wedding festivities. After the rehearsal dinner on Friday, the groom invited us for drinks at a pub in the hotel where his family was staying. Most of the bridal party was supposed to be going and it looked to be a lot of fun, but we declined. With Laura being in the last few days of pregnancy, we would have turned down a late night in a bar anyway. Far too often, though, I have had to turn down a friend, or worse, an acquaintance who could have become a friend, because I choose to follow these guidelines.
I don’t regret not drinking. I am quite proud of the fact that I have never consumed a drop of alcohol, or coffee, and I have never smoked. I do regret that there really isn’t a social equivalent of a coffee shop or bar for someone like me. Something that can take the place of going out for drinks, or sitting down for a cup of coffee. An unstructured activity that is less formal than a meal, yet still provides a stimulus to conversation. In essence, a way to say, “Let’s hang out and talk” without the social awkwardness of what to do when the conversation ebbs.
Frequently my work “requires” that I go with the managers and such that are “entertaining” the big wigs from the Company we service. I go, eat, and when the drinks start showing up I order some soda or something. One of the Big Wigs from the other company stood up for me when the others in the group were prodding me to drink with them. “Come on,, your boss is having a beer,, you can have one too.” As soon as the guy from the other company supported my decsion, they let up and I got to drink what I wanted and still participated in the conversation. My friendship with that Big Wig continues to this day and I feel he respects me more because of that day in the restraunt.
I make it a point to order Shirley Temples when I’m out with people who are drinking, but this really isn’t a viable alternative, because I can’t usually drink more than a couple of these before the sugar starts to get to me.
At work I frequently take “smoke breaks”. I don’t smoke but if the smokers can use their vice as an excuse to go outside and chat with a couple friends why shouldn’t I join them?
Here in foggy Colorado (today it is anyway) there are quite a few juice bars floating around. Although the atmosphere in these places is usually much brighter and cleaner than say a pub, they could be a viable alternative.
I’m sure there are very few and far between in Atlanta though. You should move out here. 🙂
As you know my social skills with new people can sometimes be a bit lacking. I’ve really found that a drink or two can relax me enough to be friendly and social of course extended lack of sleep can also have that effect.
You should read the Buffalo Theory of Alcohol at the bottom of this page: http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2005/wise-words-alcohol-p1.php
Thanks for the tip. Maybe you’re on to something with the juicebar. In the very near future juice is going to be an all too important part of my life.
The effect of alcohol relaxing your inhibitions is one reason psychologists refer to alcohol as a social lubricant.